life

A Fond Farewell

By on July 9, 2013
Note: I wrote this post in early June but now that the breakup is “official” (even facebook official) I feel like I need to express my feelings about it.

The Sugar Bowl (VT vs Michigan) in 2012

At the same time that I’m achieving so many firsts in my life, it’s also time to say goodbye. After six (mostly good) years, the BF (Matt from now on) and I are calling it quits. For the past couple of months we’ve both been contemplating our relationship and how it fits with what we want out of life and have jointly finally admitted decided that maybe we aren’t meant for each other. Since moving to Colorado, our interests have diverged to the point where we’ve lost a lot of our common ground. We both used to share  a love for snowboarding, going to live concerts, and dreams of traveling the world. While we both still love these things, our goals and priorities have changed. I have discovered a passion for being outside in the mountains and for running really long distances. I have cultivated these passions, sometimes at the expense to my relationship. Matt’s goals and priorities have remained constant. I guess that’s what happens when you figure out what you want to do with your life. I still haven’t figured that out yet, which leaves us at different points in our lives.

Our changing goals and passions aren’t the only reason for the split. We’ve dealt with similar circumstances in the past and made it through. The part that is different this time is that we’ve both realized we’re better friends than lovers. While I still love him, and probably always will, that love has morphed from romantic love into something more resembling fondness. When I think about the end of our relationship, I find myself mourning the loss of our friendship more than the loss of anything romantic.


The Kansas/Colorado border when I moved from VA

We had a long talk last night while watching the sun set over the Vail Valley. As the sun cast it’s last grasping rays onto the verdant slopes, we discussed the things we’ll miss about each other and the ways our relationship has changed us for the better. Although we’re now going our separate ways, I hope the strong friendship we’ve forged can stand up to the trials of extricating two intertwined lives.

Our first time in Colorado (Copper Mountain)

As a part of this conversation, I realized there are so many things in my life that came as a result of my relationship with Matt. The first, and biggest, was my move to Colorado. I will always be thankful to him for encouraging me to pack up all my belongings and move halfway across the country without a promise of job when I got here. As a sub-result of my move, I also now have my sweet baby boy Moose. Matt encouraged me to pick the shy puppy in the back of the pen instead of the loud, jumping ones at the front. Moose was a good puppy from the first day, but he’s grown into such a sweetheart that I love unconditionally. As a last homage to this stage in my life, I compiled a list of ten things that Matt has helped me learn about myself, relationships, life, and love.

  1. Don’t let fear of failure hold you back, you only fail yourself by not trying
  2. Try new things, places, foods because you’ll probably find out you like them
  3. Be patient
  4. Take time to think things through before jumping to conclusions
  5. Some decisions need to be made with the rational side of your brain (but not all of them!)
  6. Give other people the freedom to be themselves and love them for their uniqueness, don’t try to mold them into what you want them to be
  7. Take time to relax
  8. Don’t get frustrated when something doesn’t come easily right away, sometimes the best things in life take practice
  9. I’m stronger than I think I am, mentally, physically and usually emotionally
  10. When the house (or your surroundings in general) are neat and clean, it is much easier to focus on the important things that need to be done
Hanging out in college

During our cruise for Spring Break ’09

 The Marine Corps Ball in 2009

The Blizzard of 2010

 Ocean City with my family

Having fun at Vail

Rafting the Yampa River in Dinosaur National Monument

Tahoe last March

And with that it’s time to close this chapter in my life. Although I will always remember this rollercoaster ride we’ve been on for the past six years, I think I’m ready and excited to see what new things life throws at me.
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3 Comments
  1. Reply

    Liz

    July 9, 2013

    So sorry to hear about the end of this chapter of your life. But you sound very optimistic, and like you said, sometimes you just realize you need to part ways and focus on you and your priorities. It happens to the best of us–and was actually one of the motivators for FINALLY training for a competition. The timing was right.

    I’m glad to hear you are doing well, and when you’re ever back in VA and need a running buddy, I’m game! (I travel to Manassas at LEAST once a week for work.)

  2. Reply

    Gaby Larrea

    July 9, 2013

    Aww… this almost made me cry, but in a good way. It’s healthy to step back and look at the big picture vs when you’re sucked in there… Seems like you two gave it a lot of thought and it was a loving and healthy separation (not sure “break up” is the right word).
    I’m happy to hear you have found some other things that truly make you happy like being outside and challenging yourself… Great things are in store for you, I’m sure!
    Good luck this weekend and we’ll text Sat evening! 🙂

  3. Reply

    Lindsay Markin

    July 10, 2013

    I can’t even tell you how much I understand. I was with my ex for 6 years as well and unless you go through it, its hard to explain how much a relationship changes and the breakup impacts you on a deep level. I get it.

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